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CIA: Don't Waste Our Time With UFOs
Posted March 30, 2010 by Shakti Sombrero
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The CIA has posted a 17-page paper on their website, explaining why it's pointless for them to study UFOs. Basically it boils down to the fact that UFO nuts wouldn't listen to anything they said anyway, so why bother.
...distrust of our government is too pervasive to make the issue amenable to traditional scientific studies of rational explanation and evidence.
Hardcore invasion believers won't even listen to scientists, let alone a bunch of government dudes in dark suits who talk in cryptic ways. Full paper at cia.gov.
Posted in Conspiracy Theories, UFOs
2012 Olympics: Sporting Extravaganza or Reptilian Landing Zone?
Posted March 07, 2009 by Shakti Sombrero
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What do you get when you rotate the 2012 Olympic logo four times and superimpose them in Windows Movie Maker? You get "the biggest ownage in the history of man"!
'Ownage' is a term typically used by twelve-year olds who play video games, but in this case it's from Gorilla199, a British YouTube conspiracy detective extraordinaire who most likely has the mental faculties of a twelve-year old who plays video games.
What is the ownage he's referring to? Why, hidden 3D symbols in the olympic logo depicting Planet X, a Nazi iron cross, pyramids, UFO landing pads of fire, anunnaki, Dagu the Fish God, and reptoids of course!
Mr. Ownage's symbolism is a complex jumble of ancient coins, sculptures, scripture, and a heaping helping of crackpot madness. This guy isn't joking and it's one of the most bizarre videos you're likely to ever see. Highly recommended! Bring popcorn!
Radical Imam: Convert Aliens To Islam
Posted January 05, 2009 by Shakti Sombrero
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Just when you think the alien menace is bad enough...now they're going to start converting to radical Islam.
PREACHER of hate Omar Bakri is boldly going where no imam has gone before — ordering followers to convert ALIENS to Islam.
Bakri, acting like a character from sci-fi film Mars Attacks, said Muslims must not only spread the word worldwide but also across the galaxy.
He issued the decree during a bizarre rant which has been posted on an extremist website.
Bakri, who must have recently obtained his Galactic Diplomacy Certificate from the Expolitics Institute, is extending goodwill from Earth by sharing his love for suicide bombings and terror camps with all extraterrestrials from Mars to Zeta Reticuli.
Bakri infamously praised the 9/11 attackers and said Muslims would give the west "a 9/11, day after day after day." We can only hope his message of love is spread far and wide across the universe. A true galactic emissary!
Failed Apocalyptic Psychic Predictions for 2008
Posted December 29, 2008 by Shakti Sombrero
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THAT'S RIGHT! It's that time of year again. Just when most psychics (like the geniune psychic pictured to the right) are pumping out their 2009 predictions, cherrypicking the few they got right in 2008 and deleting the rest, we've found the guys who forgot to erase their failures or were kind enough to leave them up for us to laugh at. So without further ado...2008's failed apocalyptic psychic predictions.
Nikki, "psychic to the stars"
Coast to Coast AM
More Coast to Coast AM
Angels & Ghosts
Mary Bogart
Mr. Juseleeno Nobulega Da Roose, "noted Brazilian psychic"
Barbara Garcia
Psychics.co.uk
The Psychic Detective
Some random psychic
And of course we missed Armageddon, Christ's Millennial Reign, and THREE DIFFERENT APOCALYPSES (these are all very different things mind you). 2008 was an exciting year indeed.
True Genius Award 2008: Alex Collier
Posted December 20, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund
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Following in the auspicious footsteps of the great Paul Hellyer (2007 winner) is Alex Collier, benevolent alien contactee. Oh yes, this is true; he's a senior fellow at Galactic Diplomacy so his credentials are above reproach.
Alex Collier believes he was contacted by aliens from the constellation of Andromeda known as the Zenetae Andromedans. Indeed, this 'fairly close' Andromeda constellation (44 light years or 5.9 trillion miles away) is home to aliens that created us and have been controlling us in what can only be described as the best science experiment of all time.
They say we are genetic royalty because we the subtotal in our genetics of 22 different races . Many different races have been here, over millions and millions of years they have genetically tampered with us and left us and ended up mating while they were here.
You don't say. We are all royalty here people! How do you suppose Alex knows this?
They put something on my head which looked like a cap. But it had a hole in the center like a donut and it fit my head. It was a metallic structure.
...
They wanted me to know who I was and my relationship to them and they were showing me, and it is already in the brain. It is in that other portion that we no longer have access to because of DNA alteration.
Very sophisticated. Not quite sure why these blue aliens flew trillions of miles to a small blue planet when I'm pretty certain there were plenty of other planets to 'experiment' on along the way. I suppose gas is cheap in Andromeda.
Still, I'm not convinced. Any nut can claim they've been abducted. Is there any backing to this story? Oh, but of course! No UFO contactee would be complete without a witness to his claim. Enter Jon Robinson: alien contactee groupie if I've ever seen one.
just after (1am) I could see the craft in the sky above the area of Alex's home. I told my wife to come see and we both went down to the outside front deck and watched it. We offered a hello and it flashed back at us.
...
I went and got our video and took some shots, that I still might have laying around, but due to being night it is hard to make anything out except the low laying light that it omitted.
Isn't that so typical. Just when you have concrete proof to show the world aliens exist, you have bad lighting. This eyewitness account goes on to explain how blue orbs appear out of nowhere around him; black suited men with CIA badges come in waves to interrogate him and Alex; and that people break into their homes to see what's in their library. You're a good friend to prop Alex up and help his story out.
Okay, so Collier's story checks out. But you're not the winner of the Panic Watch! True Genius Award if you don't scare the living crap out of us somehow.
The space in which our universe is in, which is only one layer in many dimensions which they call "consciousness", is a 21 trillion year old holograph. This new frequency which is coming out of the 3rd density black holes spans the entire range of the holograph of the universe, and its is literally creating a new holographic idea.
...
They are calling this new holograph "the 12th", and they have said to me that it is literally bringing all the dimensions together. Third density is beginning to implode on itself.
Holy smokes! And I thought the Large Hadron Collider was scary with its inevitable world destruction. I wonder when the end will be for us tiny science experiments?
They told me that it would be on December 3, 2013.
Ohhh, Alex, you're off by a year! We all know the end of the world is in 2012.
Nevertheless, congratulations on the award Alex. You deserve it!
Priority #1 Mr. Obama: Declassify UFO Data
Posted December 15, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund
Infrastructure, economy, two wars, billions of dollars in bailouts, and a hyper-partisan government must take a back seat to the most pressing issue of our time: let us in on the government's knowledge of UFOs.
A citizen that has our best interests at heart, Robert M. Stanley (we'll call him "UFO Joe"), has written a letter to President-elect Obama pleading with him to give UFO nuts the proof they've spent their entire adult lives searching for.
As president elect you have most likely been briefed on the more than 240 alien incursions of the restricted/prohibited airspace over Washington, D.C., that have transpired since 1948.
We're inclined to agree with UFO Joe. It's a well documented fact that every transitional government is briefed on three things. Number one: Alien incursions into restricted airspace. Number two: Planet-X's current trajectory. And third: The reptoid agenda. In addition to his daily CIA briefing Mr. Obama will also probably get the Paranormal Examiner on his breakfast table each morning.
Are you also willing to engage in an open, diplomatic dialogue with the occupants of the unidentified aerospace craft visiting Washington, D.C.? If not, why not?
Joe I don't think Obama has an Exopolitics degree and thus can't legally have such a dialogue--let's be rational here!
Seriously though, how self-centered do you have to be to think that just because you're interested in this junk that the most powerful person in the world would be? Get a life.
End Of An Era
Posted December 09, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund
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We regret to inform all dedicated truth seekers that the infamous (or unfamous) Alien Worlds magazine has had to shut its doors.
I ran out of money to support the magazine which had been operating at a loss.
...
I am sorry for the disappointment the magazine’s closure will cause.
...
It is time to move on.
We've attempted to contact the three readers of this fine publication to see how they'll cope, but as you'd expect, people so distraught with grief rarely answer the phone.
If you need another site to fulfill your burning desire for random pseudoscience see our bad links page.
Farewell Alien Worlds magazine... those four issues were spellbinding.
Posted in Conspiracy Theories, UFOs
Dot In The Sky = Alien Life!
Posted November 24, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund
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Ladies and Gentlemen: those loons of loons have done it again. The folks at one of my favorite websites, Profindsearch.com (which I'm pretty sure isn't a real search engine), have outdone themselves this time.
The great Ian Brockwell claims that not only did a photographer capture a "space craft", but with Profindsearch's super duper secret image enhancement technology we are able to see life inside of it.
...the "craft" appears to have many windows, and using the PPP it was actually possible to look inside! This revealed a small room (about 75 feet in size) and each one appears to contain a different species.
Believe it. That grainy mess you see in the above picture has enough resolution that the special PPP (Penetrating Photographic Process) can see all of the aformentioned! Just check out their page on computer enhancements for some of the funniest, mind boggling crap ever seen on the interent... and I've seen a ton. Check out these aliens, enlarged from a single pixel!
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PPP is...
a special photo process...which enables the smallest detail to be enlarged without distortion.
Please, please, PLEASE take the time to visit the site for yourself. I was almost in tears.
When enlarged even further, it is possible to see the actual shape of the craft... This is the craft, which we have nicknamed the "Golden Bull" because of its shape.
Oh, there's a ton of golden 'bull' here alright.
Alien Entity At JCPenney's: Not A Joke
Posted November 23, 2008 by Shakti Sombrero
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That's right folks, you ain't even safe from aliens deep in the heart of consumer-crazed suburbia:
On June 23, a woman reported seeing an "alien entity" in the JCPenney's men's section.
"He was standing by a clothes rack," the report said. "She described him as being male, no hair, gray skin, almond black eyes with a lumpy heavily wrinkled face." The alien appeared to be shopping and had a "pleasant smile" for ladies in the store.
Yet the woman told MUFON she decided to leave the scene "because she and her husband were planning to attend a movie."
On a serious note, this woman needs help and probably some kind of medication. On an un-serious note, this is hilarious and I can't stop picturing a tall lumpy-faced gray picking out a nice but reasonably priced Izod sweater.
UFO Call Center Tired of Prank Calls
Posted November 13, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund and Shakti Sombrero
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Mr. Peter Davenport, the owner and primary operator of The National UFO Reporting Center (NUFORC), is having a meltdown because of "lazy Americans" and the 80% of hoax or prank calls his center receives each day (20 of their average 25 calls are pranks):
I’m at the end of my rope. With the government, with the press, with the American people.
Well Mr. Davenport, you're in the business of receiving made up stories and you get mad when people give you made up stories; don't know how you're going to come out on the winning end of this one. Davenport continues in a long-winded but entertaining rant about cheerleaders and jocks, leeches and parasites, and not getting paid enough for his UFO research.
Actually this isn't the first time Davenport has had a nervous breakdown about prank calls. In May 2006 he went on a tirade:
PLEASE DO NOT USE OUR HOTLINE FOR PRANK CALLS.
Whereas only five or ten percent of the calls submitted to our Center as recently as a few years ago, were prank calls, now the percentage is as high as eighty or ninety percent! ... Most of these prank calls are being placed by young children and students, and many of them amount to little more than unmitigated filth....If this flood of prank calls continues, we simply will not be able to continue staffing our telephone Hotline...we do not welcome having to handle what has become dozens of abusive calls per day from ill-disciplined children
In April of 2007 he lost it again:
NOTICE TO HOAX CALLERS
The volume of telephone calls NUFORC receives from rude, impudent, unbelievably foul-mouthed, young Americans has grown to an unacceptable level. Just today, April 27, for example, we received more than 25 obscene calls from youth, who seem to have nothing better to do with their cell phones than to shout triple-X rated filth over our Hotline...If this condition continues, we are going to implement a plan that will allow them to understand just how inconvenient it can be to receive a large volume of unwanted calls.
So...after years of veiled threats against children, NUFORC is once again thinking about taking down their real-time call center.
We regret this change, but it may have to be effected soon, given the torrent of calls we are receiving from young, inconsiderate American youth.
...
In addition, the quality of the written reports the Center is receiving is lamentably low, and most of those reports require serious editing, before they can be posted to the NUFORC site.
Whether it's a coincidence that people who believe they've been contacted by aliens have trouble writing coherently is irrelevant. The real issue here is that we must only report legitimate UFO sightings to the hotline.
If you have one, please dial (206) 722-3000 tonight!
LEGITIMATE REPORTS ONLY HERE PEOPLE, WE CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.
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