Panic Watch!

In light of the UN's IPCC head (who is, coincidentally, a vegetarian) announcing that humans eating meat is causing global warming, Panic Watch! has quickly adopted the stance that the only way to save the planet is to eat as much beef as possible (and fast).

ONLY BY EATING MASS QUANTITIES OF COWS CAN WE RID THE PLANET OF THEIR FLATULENT ILK. MCDONALD'S IS THE SOLUTION TO THE COW'S FINAL QUESTION. THEIR SWORD WILL BECOME OUR PLOW, AND FROM THE TEARS OF THE WAR THE DAILY BREAD (NOT MEAT) OF FUTURE GENERATIONS WILL GROW.

NATURE IS CRUEL; THEREFORE WE ARE ALSO ENTITLED TO BE CRUEL. WHEN I SEND THE FLOWER OF HUMAN YOUTH INTO THE STEEL HAIL OF THE WAR WITHOUT FEELING THE SLIGHTEST REGRET OVER THE PRECIOUS HUMAN BLOOD THAT IS BEING SPILLED, SHOULD I ALSO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO ELIMINATE MILLIONS OF AN INFERIOR SPECIES THAT MULTIPLY LIKE VERMIN?

While we continue to develop this plan for submission to the UN (who will apparently attach their name to anything), feel free to read other analyses here, here, or here.