Panic Watch! UFO Call Center Tired of Prank Calls

Posted November 13, 2008 by Indoles Eastlund and Shakti Sombrero

Mr. Peter Davenport, the owner and primary operator of The National UFO Reporting Center (NUFORC), is having a meltdown because of "lazy Americans" and the 80% of hoax or prank calls his center receives each day (20 of their average 25 calls are pranks):

I’m at the end of my rope. With the government, with the press, with the American people.

Well Mr. Davenport, you're in the business of receiving made up stories and you get mad when people give you made up stories; don't know how you're going to come out on the winning end of this one. Davenport continues in a long-winded but entertaining rant about cheerleaders and jocks, leeches and parasites, and not getting paid enough for his UFO research.

Actually this isn't the first time Davenport has had a nervous breakdown about prank calls. In May 2006 he went on a tirade:

PLEASE DO NOT USE OUR HOTLINE FOR PRANK CALLS.

Whereas only five or ten percent of the calls submitted to our Center as recently as a few years ago, were prank calls, now the percentage is as high as eighty or ninety percent! ... Most of these prank calls are being placed by young children and students, and many of them amount to little more than unmitigated filth....If this flood of prank calls continues, we simply will not be able to continue staffing our telephone Hotline...we do not welcome having to handle what has become dozens of abusive calls per day from ill-disciplined children

In April of 2007 he lost it again:

NOTICE TO HOAX CALLERS

The volume of telephone calls NUFORC receives from rude, impudent, unbelievably foul-mouthed, young Americans has grown to an unacceptable level. Just today, April 27, for example, we received more than 25 obscene calls from youth, who seem to have nothing better to do with their cell phones than to shout triple-X rated filth over our Hotline...If this condition continues, we are going to implement a plan that will allow them to understand just how inconvenient it can be to receive a large volume of unwanted calls.

So...after years of veiled threats against children, NUFORC is once again thinking about taking down their real-time call center.

We regret this change, but it may have to be effected soon, given the torrent of calls we are receiving from young, inconsiderate American youth.

...

In addition, the quality of the written reports the Center is receiving is lamentably low, and most of those reports require serious editing, before they can be posted to the NUFORC site.

Whether it's a coincidence that people who believe they've been contacted by aliens have trouble writing coherently is irrelevant. The real issue here is that we must only report legitimate UFO sightings to the hotline.

If you have one, please dial (206) 722-3000 tonight!

LEGITIMATE REPORTS ONLY HERE PEOPLE, WE CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH.