Panic Watch!

Despite the fact that the media has an endless thirst for economic doom and gloom, for some reason they are "blacking out" an imminent food shortage in the United States that will be "the greatest disaster in the country's history". At least according to FoodShortageUSA.com.

Why is a "consumer reporter" selling us two Emergency DVDs for $39.95 + s&h? I don't know. What I do know is that you can tell at a glance that FoodShortageUSA is the real deal:

Mike warns us of empty grocery shelves during the first year of Obama's administration, food riots, murders for a loaf of bread, rapings for a box of raisins, and the usual roving bands of bikers with midgets riding on their backs who'd like nothing more than to steal your carrots.

Whoa Mike, isn't that Spanish?

He advises us to "get off the grid" ASAP and is secretly offering us his two secret videos that contain ancient food canning secrets so that you can secrete your secret food deep in your cellar and/or Y2K bunker (I'll be damned if that thing doesn't come in handy an awful lot).

You might be asking yourself what kind of food canning secrets there could possibly be at this point in our civilization. What isn't already thoroughly documented in this one-cent book from Amazon? Indeed, an unsatisfied customer on Rip-off Report says the videos may be nothing more than copies of Mormon canning tutorials.

But our team of researchers finds all the hallmarks of a great deal here. Random testimonials from First-name-Last-initials who also decided to send in a photo of themselves for some reason? Check. Order method is writing "Food Storage Secrets" on a piece of paper and sending it along with a money order? Got it. Order "within the next 11 days" for a free bonus gift? Got that too. And don't forget an affiliate program with a hot babe holding wads of cash and some random food shortage spyware toolbar for your computer that provides no content but collects your personal information.

But hey, these guys are really just looking out for you and your family; a tip of our hat to them.