Panic Watch!

Ralph Rene is a prominent conspiracy theorist whose claim to fame includes extensive research into the moon landing hoax and also a bit of dabbling in 9/11 cover ups. But amazingly this renaissance man has even more to offer: he also claims that Einstein's theory of relativity and Newton's law of universal gravitation are false.

We'd never dismiss somebody out of hand here at Panic Watch! so in the interest of fairness we've prepared a comprehensive study to help evaluate these claims.

Albert Einstein: Graduated from ETH Zurich with a degree in physics.
Ralph Rene: Dropped out of Rutgers.

Albert Einstein: Evaluated patent applications for electromagnetic devices at the Swiss Patent Office.
Ralph Rene: Patented a variable pitch roof bracket during his 23 years as a carpenter and millwright.

Albert Einstein: His paper on the electrodynamics of moving bodies introduced the radical theory of special relativity, which showed that the observed independence of the speed of light on the observer's state of motion required fundamental changes to the notion of simultaneity.
Ralph Rene: Uses the phrase "gas bag" 16 times on the web page outlining his scientific theories.

Albert Einstein: In his paper on mass–energy equivalence (previously considered to be distinct concepts), Einstein deduced from his equations of special relativity what later became the well-known expression: E = mc2, suggesting that tiny amounts of mass could be converted into huge amounts of energy.
Ralph Rene: Sells a pamphlet disproving Pi = 3.14159 for $6.00

Albert Einstein: During 1909 published "The Development of Our Views on the Composition and Essence of Radiation", on the quantization of light.
Ralph Rene: Sells hand-pressed copies of "NASA MOONED AMERICA" for $26.00

Albert Einstein: Awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics.
Ralph Rene: Sued by MENSA for using their name to sell books without permission.

The jury is still out on this one so we'll continue our research. Is Ralph Rene the Einstein of our times? Has he disproved hundreds of years of scientific theory and posted the proof in MS Comic Sans font on his website? You can find out these answers and more for a small fee (payable by check or money order); we've got our orders placed.